Following
The complexity of following one's heart
I got an email from Vjola Hajati, one of the Infinite Steps dancers, a few weeks ago. Vjola’s life story is as engrossing and unpredictable as a carefully plotted novel— but, actually, her narrative was (and continues to be) created from equal parts spontaneity, intuition, practicality, courage, and trust.
Vjola wrote: “I have just received the book… and I’m honestly overwhelmed with emotion. I had to pause for a moment just to take it in. What you have created is not just a book—it feels like a gift of the heart, offered to dance, to dancers, and to every soul whose story lives within it.”
Before I interviewed Vjola, Gene had given me some background about her career, their relationship, and what he knew of her life post-performance (read her chapter to discover it for yourself— but I’ll hint that it involves being a teenage refugee, a ballerina, and a thrilling career shift.) So I was prepared, when we met on the Zoom, for this simply gorgeous, elegant, poised and stylish yet casual woman who exuded warmth although she had every right to be guarded. She said she felt self-conscious about her English (Vjola is Albanian and has lived in France for many years), so had a friend sitting nearby to help with translation if needed. In the background, her airy, light, quintessentially Parisian apartment made me marvel, yet again, at our incomprehensible ability to converse with and see people in real time, anywhere on the globe.
Right away, Vjola opened up— and that, as I came to see during our conversation, is foundational to her philosophy of life. One of my favorite quotes from the entire book is hers: “If you listen to your heart and your head, follow what you feel, you are never wrong.”
But that, in our increasingly complicated, distracting, enormous, demanding world, is not easy. How can you even hear your own heart and head amid the din of everyday life? Decision-making becomes enormously fraught. Consequences loom whichever way you go. Life is short, precious and wild. Fear is everywhere— of making the wrong choice or, even worse, of not making a choice at all and then wasting one’s precious time on earth. Tasks are everywhere, all the time. Resting is an act of defiance.
In our email exchange after she’d received her copy of Infinite Steps, Vjola elaborated on what she’s figured out at this point in her own incredibly colorful, passionate and fully lived artistic life.
“The idea of “following one’s heart” is actually quite complex. Said that simply, it becomes a kind of shortcut. To truly be able to follow one’s heart—and to succeed in doing so—is a privilege, even a form of luck. And today, that possibility is often challenged, as the world around us has become so different, and sometimes more demanding.”
I’m beginning to think that living an artistic life is the surest way to hear oneself think. The further I get from the stage, the further I sometimes feel from my own heart, though writing about it does allow an outlet for the same voice that came flooding out of me while dancing. But I wish that Vjola’s true statement that following one’s heart is a privilege wasn’t so true.
The concept of knowing one’s mission and purpose in life was echoed over and over by other dancers I talked to for this book. Here’s Maria Kotchekova:
“Dance is my voice. I do not have this voice as a human being, but as a dancer I have this power that is way beyond something I could imagine.”
If you are in New York next week, please join me and Gene and several of the Infinite Steps dancers for a chat, meet-and-greet, book signing, photo display, and celebration at the Capezio flagship store (1650 Broadway, 2nd floor) on Friday, April 17 from 5:30-7:30pm!
It’s free and open to the public, but you do have the option to buy a ticket via EventBrite, which gets you a copy of Infinite Steps and a reserved spot to take a short class from former ABT soloist and Infinite Steps dancer Craig Salstein.
See you there!
BEFORE YOU GO!
It’s bear season here in Asheville…
Love this! And bear season 🐻🥰🩰
I love this. I have followed my heart into two wonderful spaces - ballet and then writing. But in between, I worked in IT, not because I loved it but because it took time to find the "luck" that carried me into writing. I think an intimate part of following your heart is to never give up through the difficulties that will certainly arise, especially if you belong in the arts. I embrace the idea that "living an artistic life is the surest way to hear oneself think." Yes! No matter what art form you choose or chooses you. (Also love the bears!)